vila

 Rev. 12 August 2018

All the best to

  • Camilla Vavruch
    7 August 1984
  • Slávina Petrová
    9 August 1937
  • Zacharias Samuelsson
    9 August 2006
  • Jakub Nimrichter
    11 August 1996
  • Barborka Veltruská
    12 August 2004
  • Alicia Bernin
    12 August 2004
  • Lovisa Brodén
    13 August 2017
  • Jana Fuňková
    17 August 1980
  • Geri Mangold
    18 August 1950
  • Helena Vavruch
    21 August 1949
  • Andrea Nimrichterová
    23 August 1974
  • Radomír Vavrouch
    28 August 2005
  • Zdenka Vavruch
    30 August 1931
  • Birthdays, weddings & deaths
  • Data narození, svatby, úmrtí

We will never forget / Vzpomínáme


***

One Sabbath, an Alabama preacher told his flock: "Someone in this congregation has spread a scurrilous rumour that I am a member of the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

"I am embarrassed, and I do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from our Lord and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued: "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet. Then slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a traffic-stopping body rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke: "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. Hallelujah.

***

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side."

***

One day I was reading a newspaper. On page two was a picture of a famous politician and his gorgeous wife.

Slightly jealous of the politician, I turned to my wife and said, "It's unfair that the biggest jerks in the world catch the most beautiful wives."

My wife smiled and replied, "Why, thank you dear."

***

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks..

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ..

"What would they want with a plasterer??!"

***

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad... I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter"

***

Contact Petr Vavruch:
petr_vavruch at yahoo

Alva

Welcome to Alva
born to
Camilla and Ludvig Vavruch
on 25 July 2018

Matýsek

Vítáme Matýska
narozeného
Evičce a Pepovi Dvořákovi
 21. července 2018

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